Opinion: Escaping the holiday checklist trap

Thanksgiving is done (except for the leftovers) and it is time to get serious about my very long Christmas to-do list. I must admit to some sense of dread at tackling the list. I don’t want Christmas Day — or the season — to become one more thing to be checked off a list. That feels like it defeats the “reason for the season.”
I wonder — do you have the perfect Christmas fixed in your mind? And by perfect, I mean idealized-but-probably-not-realistic idea of what Christmas “should” look like? Maybe it’s a Norman Rockwell painting come to life. Maybe it’s all about a perfectly decorated house, perfectly grateful (and quiet!) children and beautiful, nutritious meals.
Or maybe you have given up on perfection, abandoned all hope of actually enjoying the holidays. Instead, Christmas has been reduced to a series of checklists. To be perfectly honest, you are feeling a bit Grinchy — resentful of the expectations placed upon you, not to mention the budget-busting aspects of parties, food and gifts — and just so tired of running around like a chicken with your head cut off. I know that feeling.
Take a deep breath. It doesn’t have to be that way
Would you believe me if I told you that you can get things done AND enjoy the holidays, too? Part of it is knowing your own boundaries. Hate sewing and can’t read a pattern? Don’t volunteer to sew 30 pairs of pajama pants. Hate cooking? The stores now sell sugar cookies and icing separately. On a budget and experiencing FOMO (the “fear of missing out”)? Remind yourself that comparison is the thief of joy. There are LOTS of ways to experience Christmas joy without breaking the bank.
If you are the one who coordinates the to-do list and the schedules (that’s usually Mom), I want to encourage you to take time for you (even just five minutes a day) to find some stillness and some joy.
I know it’s trendy to talk about self-care, and while all self-care is good, not all is created equal. I’ve come to divide those practices into two categories, what I call “surface self-care” and “deep self-care.” A good Netflix binge might be just the thing after a stressful season — I mean, who doesn’t love those sappy, romantic Christmas movies?! But it can turn into dysfunction if you binge all day, every day. I personally love pedicures and while I could find no scientific studies on their emotional benefits (I looked!), they are in my self-care toolkit.
However, I also believe that surface self-care practices are not as essential to our emotional well-being in the way that deep self-care practices are. I can go months without a professional pedicure. I simply cannot go long at all without the core practices of deep self-care. The good news is, there are many options that help us create emotional resilience and protect us from holiday burnout: getting adequate sleep, setting appropriate boundaries, exercise, reframing, compassion for self and others, goal-setting, depersonalizing events, spiritual practices, flexibility, gratitude, mindfulness, meditation, journaling and mindset.
Now — before you get overwhelmed, I need you to know I am not asking you to jump right into all of these practices. For now, I am going to suggest you focus on just one: journaling.
Hear me out.
I used to think that journaling meant I had to sit down and spend an hour or more every day pouring the entire contents of the day from my head and heart onto paper. It’s not true! When I read a book that suggested I write for only a few minutes a day — even just five — it was LIFE. CHANGING. I have now been a consistent journaler for years (not daily, but consistently). You can be too.
This Christmas season, I encourage you to write in a journal for just five minutes a day. It doesn’t matter what time of day. It doesn’t matter what format. Do what works for you. I now use a digital, online, stored-in-the-cloud journal. In those five minutes, you could make a gratitude list, write in bullet points, create a haiku or use writing prompts. They are plentiful online.
Here are a couple of quick ideas: What is your favorite Christmas memory from your childhood? What was a holiday “disaster” when it happened but is funny now? Write about a time during the holidays you laughed until your sides ached. What tradition were you glad to let go of?
And speaking of traditions, traditions and memories go hand in hand. And they’re important. “Family traditions counter alienation and confusion,” writes Susan Lieberman. “They help us define who we are; they provide something steady, warm and safe in a confusing world.”
One of our favorite traditions is reading books together by the Christmas tree. One of my favorite books is Max Lucado’s “The Crippled Lamb.” The story is about a little lamb named Joshua who couldn’t run as well as the other lambs. He got left behind when all the other lambs were taken by the shepherd to go grazing, but that leaves Joshua in the perfect place for one special night. Let me tell you, it was years — years — before I could make it all the way through that book without crying. You see, I am the mom of a Joshua who can’t run and jump like other people and has been in a wheelchair his whole life.
The best part of our traditions is that it means we are spending time together. We might be cooking, crafting, having a movie marathon or, perhaps best of all, serving together. We have made goodies like our cranberry chip cookies, homemade caramels (not the easiest recipe, but SOOO good) or our double-berry apple jelly and put together plates for our neighbors. We have gone to serve at the local food pantry and our local residential facility for adults with disabilities. We have done anonymous, doorbell-ditching gift-giving and we have done Sub for Santa for specific families. We’ve done the 12 Days of Christmas for a family and we have made and distributed homeless “blessing bags.” Author Henry Link reminds us: “To celebrate the heart of Christmas is to forget ourselves in the service of others.”
I am committed to finding some stillness and some joy as I remember the Reason for the Season. I believe in the baby in the manger, in He who was the first gift of Christmas. When, in the hustle and bustle of the season, I lose sight of Christ, then I lose sight of the real meaning of Christmas. May you find your perfect balance for to-do lists and traditions, of memory-making and taking time for you. I will try to do the same.